On a whim today, I decided to dust off a bit of my Jpop (Ayumi Hamasaki, to be precise) and give it a listen. It is amazing what memories are invoked from just the first few tracks off of LOVEppears, which I first started listening to in 2000 — my first total immersion dives into computing (nay, computer appreciation), fleeting loves, the Milwaukee School of Engineering, Gentoo Linux, compiling Gentoo Linux, breaking all of my computers at least once.

Lonely nights in a warm bedroom, surrounded by computers, Ayu blasting through XMMS, heralding my first great interest shift. The daily commutes to MSOE punctuated with long sessions before and after class in the student center, tasting for the first time the sweet nectar of broadband, filling my belly with Japanese culture. My last serious interest in anime, my first serious appreciation for the potpourri of the Internet.

The whiteness of an Ayu wallpaper. My rust bucket truck. The couches in the Cudahy Student Center. The cheeseburgers they served there. Windows file sharing clients, their names long lost, from an age before the luxury of BitTorrent. A certain kind of orange present in my Trillian IM client. Shit, Trillian itself. Conversations never saved, never remembered, no longer the highlight of a lazy afternoon between classes. People not seen in years. Quiet conversations outside, in the cold, revisiting the high school roof.

All from Ayu’s “Trauma". If I had one hope, it was that I never lost these memories. If I had one fear, it would be losing the ability of music to invoke them.